FIKSI.NET — Last week I made a sub-site for this website. Initially, I thought, I am going to write articles in Indonesian language for Indonesian audience. However, I am becoming more comfortable to express myself in English than Indonesian language. I could not bring myself back to the old me, I don't want to write articles in Indonesian language anymore.
My English is not perfect yet. But writing articles in English had helped me immensely with the grammar. It feels more intuitive and natural for me. Aside from writing in English for everything—articles, messages/chat, vlog, and journaling—I also converse in English a lot with my friends and brothers. So, using the language more often, does help me.
Currently, I only need to improve my style and reduce redundancy in my English writing and speaking. To achieve that, I know I should read more, yet I haven't got time to read as much as I used to. As you know, the older we get, the less time we have for leisure activities, like reading. But I'm doing my best to read something in English, at least once a day.
You might wonder why I am doing all of this? Why do I feel the need to improve my English skill?
English could help me reach broader audience. Using it for my articles and video content, like my vlog, help me reach more people who speak and understand the language. My sister had told me countless time to change my approach in fiction writing, and making anything in general, she told me to use English instead, but only recently, I am following her advice.
If only I listened to her sooner, I thought. I feel like I was wasting my time trying to please a dead crowd. When making stories in Indonesian language—also writing articles in Indonesian language—feels a lot like a hustle and hard work that never pays off.
I didn't reach the success that I hoped for when I wrote my stories in Indonesian language. I gave it more than 10 years of my life, and for what? Nothing. They are generally not very appreciative. The Indonesian market itself is very foreign to the genre I am writing—if you don't know, I'm writing this kind of stories.
It's not their fault; it's actually my ignorance for turning a blind eye to the truth. I should have known better that Indonesian people in general are not the target market I should be aiming for. I was playing it safe, and I was afraid to try something that I know could have been the best investment for my effort and time. That is my only regret, if only I start sooner.
If there is something to take from my experience, I would like you to not be afraid of being bad at first when you are doing something new. Also, don't lower your standard, don't make decision based on fear.
I didn't have the confidence, even though I had the skills. I was writing in English during my early 20s—my writing was pretty good actually—before I scrapped everything and play it safe by writing in Indonesian language. Now, I need to re-learn everything I know, start again from the beginning.
I am willing to do whatever it takes to "sew back my head that I chopped off" to be as equal height as people around me. I was so afraid of standing off from the crowd, but I have gained the confidence, and I believe that my works deserves to find people who will love them as much as I love them.
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